Feeling Different is not the same as feeling Better. I say this from a place of love and personal experience. 𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐃𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐥. I distinctively remember going to my grief therapist week after week asking, “When will I feel better?” and “When will my pain go away?” “In Time.” He replied. “You just have to give it time.” “How much time? A week, a month, a year?!!!” I was desperate in knowing the timeframe because my grief was consuming me, and it was debilitati

I remember asking this question when my husband died. Most people responded by saying that “I will always bear this pain. The new life I am now living will adapt to the heart-wrenching pain. It will lessen in time, but it will never go away.” Not very comforting. So listening to friends, family and society, I endured the pain and at times made unhealthy choices to numb my discomfort, to ease my heartache. My grief was at times crippling and debilitating. I pushed through

I have begun to embrace the things the old Zena enjoyed or incorporated in my life since my husband passed. Meditation, reiki, massages, angel card readings, going for long walks or hikes, hitting the gym three or more days a week and attending dance classes. The old Zena felt grounded and exhilarated when I participated in these activities. After my husband passed, the interests that once brought me joy were too hard to do. Unbearable, to be honest. I would walk into the

In attempting to be "strong" or be strong for others, most people hide their feelings. In effect, when we act strong and cover up our honest emotions, we are lying to those we interact with, and most importantly, we are lying to ourselves. Real strength comes from knowing how to acknowledge and communicate our feelings and not bury them. Grievers are often praised for appearing stoic or unswayed by tragedy. A surviving spouse may have a tremendously difficult task of staying

For those grieving a loved one this Christmas, it may not be "Merry" or "Happy." So I will not wish you a Merry Christmas or Happy Christmas. What I will wish you is a Blessed one. May you remember the Blessings you bestowed on your loved one. *When you smiled, the brilliance of your smile lit up the heart of your loved one like a Christmas tree. *When you laughed, it warmed their heart like the brilliant flame of a fire from the fireplace where the stockings now hang. *When

Each person's grief is as individual as your fingerprint. Unique to the person that you are. It is as rare as the love you shared with your loved ones and as distinct in the tragedy of losing them. I did not realize the rules enforced on a griever until I was one. I had lost my grandparents when I was a young child, but losing a parent and a spouse was a very different grieving experience. My emotional pain and grieving process were as unique as my fingerprint. *You need